It may be one of those brick wall moments, but I am glad that I am not with a guy. The ones I have met this year are definitely not what God has planned for me. He knows I deserve someone who loves Him as much as me. Not only is it hard to wait, it’s hard to see my friends have someone who likes them while I’m lonely Lucy in the corner. I trust that this is my life’s path and there is a purpose for all of the pain. Remeber whose you are.
Attempting to hand everything over to the one that knows my plan. I want to be able to have some control of my life, but I know that I have no control over any aspect. My plan is already made and made perfectly for me.
Relationships is the hardest spot to give up control. It would be nice to have the romantic relationship that could help me walk through life’s struggles. I always wish for a relationship that would actually make me feel comfortable in my own skin. The wishing and praying gets me nowhere because it is not in the cards for me to have one yet.
The easiest part of giving control over to Him is the fact that I know that my mistakes are not my own. They are all part of the plan. Realizing that everything happens for a reason reassures me that it is not man’s fault.
Even though I don’t like having control, it is still hard to give control of all types up. “Giving my life up to the only one who makes the moon reflect the sun” is the new goal.
It’s one of those days where I just needed someone to come sit with me so that I didn’t feel so alone. One of those lazy days where you would feel comfortable with someone next to you. I could use someone that cares about me enough to want to come sit next to me. No talking is needed. I just need to be held to ensure myself that I am loved and that I made the right decision to be here. If only there was someone to hold me so that I know that beating the thoughts was worth it.
Putting my faith in God has always been tough for me. I want to be able to have say in what happens in my life, but I need to learn that I am not the decision maker in my life, He is. He has this amazing plan for me that I don’t see yet. He has my future figured out already because it is part of His past.
I want success and love in my life. I feel as though I have none at this point, but taking 5 minutes out of my day makes me realize that I do. I have success in that I am still here and have not given into the thoughts that once overtook my life and are now just passengers. I have love in that my family and friends love me. He loves me in the most awesome way possible. I should be one of the happiest people in the world.
The success and love that I have may not be the kind that I want, but hey, God just has a different timeline for me. I may be frustrated and upset about these things, especially love, but it will come someday. I hope that someday is soon, but I will except God’s plan for me; I just have to learn to love the plan that is set out for me.
This will be my focus from now on: love the plan that I was given and try not to attempt to alter it. It is personalized just for me so I need to respect it.
- Biggest problem this year: where do I fit my mental breakdowns into my school schedule?